As human beings, we are wired for connection with other humans. Attachment Theory is based on this idea. As children, we rely on our parents or primary caretakers emotionally and physically for our survival. For some of us, those caretakers may have been consistently present and nurturing. For others, they may have often been absent, emotionally or physically, or altogether unpredictable--sometimes present and dependable, other times not so. As children, we adapted. We may have learned that others were unreliable and we needed to care for ourselves, so we stopped reaching out. Or maybe we learned to tune into even the small shifts in our caretakers' mood, constantly on edge and noticing their emotions even over our own. These patterns may have continued on throughout childhood and then followed us as we grew and explored friendships and romantic partnerships. 

Though we developed these patterns of interacting, or attachment styles, to preserve connection with important people in our lives, we may find that in time, these patterns no longer serve us. Living in a constant state of anxiety is wearing us down, or even though we long for a close relationship with others, something about it also feels overwhelming and causes us to pull away.

Therapy to explore our attachment styles and learn to develop more secure attachment can be helpful. I am trained in Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT).  This therapy technique, which I sometimes also use in conjunction with EMDR, can help us build insight into our attachment history and tendencies, and start to re-wire our brains in order to build the healthier connections with other people that we desire.

Please contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation to further explore whether EFIT might be a good option for you.

If attachment theory captured your interest, some books for further reading include:

Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller

Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson